That New Year's Diet? Here's the Skinny

It's January, which means it's time to think about New Years Resolutions. I have a long list. On the top is my bottom.

Along with the rest of my body. I ate way too much over the holidays; now I'm carrying more pounds than the British Treasury. When it comes to my weight, I need to make like those out-of-town relatives and take off.

That's why I paid close attention to a recent article about healthy eating in Time Magazine.  (Yes, I subscribe to Time magazine, thankyouverymuch. I've found reading it makes me a lot smarter-looking).

You might not want to read Time magazine -- I know I don't. So if your New Year's Resolutions include weight loss, here's a summary of the latest healthy eating tips, along with my thoughts:

"When you eat carrot cake, scrape off the icing." 

I already do that; the icing is my favorite part.

"Use tub margerine to make a Hot Buttered Rum. It will have less cholesterol - and fewer calories."

It won't have ANY calories when you offer your guests a Hot Margerined Rum and they say "Um, No Thanks..."

"When dining with a friend, order one dessert and 2 spoons."

Try to choose a friend that's coming down with the stomach flu, which you'll probably catch.  By the time you finally recover you'll be 5 pounds thinner.

"Instead of Cream, substitute Evaporated Skim Milk."

However, when describing something as REALLY GREAT do not substitute the saying "the Evaporated Skim Milk of the Crop."

"Use portion-control. When it comes to meat, estimate your portion size using a deck of playing cards."

Be careful when eating in restaurants, where portions are estimated using the size of an actual deck.

To get the proper nutrients in your diet, include all colors of the rainbow."

Easy if you like M and M's.

Only eat while sitting down.

While keeping one hand on the steering wheel.

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By following these healthy eating tips, winning the game of losing should be a piece of cake.

With the icing scraped off, of course.

Comments

[Debbie Stubbeman]

You are so funny. I love all of your replies to the "New Year's Diet" suggestions. And don't worry, I'll scrape off all the icing (and put it in my mouth) before I eat the cake. You're A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!