Trying Times

My daughter, Kelly, is 15. Like a lot of moms and daughters, we fight about what type of clothes are appropriate to wear out in public. Unacceptable outfits get the following response:

"You're not wearing THAT, are you mom?"

I heard it last week as I headed out the door, on my way to meet a friend for dinner.  When Kelly saw what I was wearing, she grabbed my arm. "C’mon." She pulled me down the hall. "You've gotta have something better than that," she said as she stood in front of my closet.

"Mom, all your clothes are like, from the Eighties."

"No they're not," I argued. I pulled a shirt from the hanger and held it up. "This one's from the Seventies!"

If I'm stuck in the past, it's because choosing clothes at my age is hard. I'm a middle-aged "Tween" - too old to be young and too young to be old. Not sure what to wear, I rely on those tried and true styles of my youth. That's what I told Kelly as she rifled through my stuff.

"But mom...seriously, stirrup pants???  she asked. "Tomorrow, I’m taking you shopping."

Kelly took me to the mall, and headed toward American Eagle. She cruised through the store, scoping out the clothes racks. As I followed her, I saw clothes with names like Campus Hoodie. I felt out of place; my college days are a distant memory. The only campus I've been on recently is the Medical Campus where I got my mammogram.

"Kelly, I'm 48 years old. I can't wear something called a Campus Hoodie."

"But you can wear that?" she asked, pointing at me. "What's that called, an Assisted-Living Sweaty?"

Funny. I stood in the center of the store, and watched Kelly dart between the racks, emerging with an outfit consisting of a camisole, coordinating sweater and pants.

“Mom, this would look super-cute on you!"

Doubtful.

In the fitting room, I ran into trouble right away with the camisole. It had a built in “shelf-bra." Because of my exposure to gravity, let's just say the camisole's "shelf" was a little too high for my "books."

I strained and tugged; finally everything was in place. Barely. What would happen if I decided to move? I found out; my shelf-life quickly expired when I tried giving my reflection a friendly wave.

Argh.

For the second time, I loaded the shelf. Then, carefully, I pulled on the pants. I gave a firm tug. They seemed to be on, but the top only reached my hips.

""They're too low!" I called to Kelly.

"Mom, you can't keep wearing those dorky high-waisted pants!"

Maybe not, but these were giving me a hangover. And not the kind you get from drinking.

Next I tried the sweater.

"How’s the fit?"

I'm about to have one, I thought. This thing is sized for a Barbie Doll.

"I think this sweater was made by Stove Top," I said. "Because right now I'm not dressing, I'm stuffing."

"You should work out, mom."

"Trying on these clothes IS a workout!"

Kelly wasn't discouraged, and brought more clothes in more sizes. All that trying was wearing. Still, I had to agree that some of the outfits were kinda cute, and a definite improvement over my old, tired wardrobe. Maybe it's time, I thought. If 50 is the new 40, I'm still somewhat young. And if 150 pounds is the new 125, I'm even somewhat thin. Why not dress like the thin young person I am? I handed over my Visa card.

If you see me around, I hope you like my new look.

Just don't expect a friendly wave.

Comments

[Beverly Simpson]

I didn't think I would stop laughing long enough to thank you for taking me along on your shopping trip. The way you have with words I felt as though I was there.Tears are rolling down my cheek from laughter.I think I will stop using Stove Top. It will never be the same. Thanks for adding such joy to my world.

[Suzette Standring]

Oh, yeah. Tween dressing. My Inner Teenager makes all my bad choices. I'm 54, but she gravitates to low slung jeans and miniskirts, but I refuse to let her have her way. the last time I listened to her, I wore watermelon-colored capris. Not good.

[Christie]

I thought I was critical - I'm glad I have boys!!!!!!!!!!!

[FRANKIE]

That was great Kay. I think Stefanie and Kelly are together on this old clothes stuff.

[Debbie Stubbeman]

Oh my gosh!!! I love it!!! I could not stop laughing. My head hurts 'cause I was laughing so hard. You are too funny. You know you can just cut that shelf out of the camisole and let your stuff sit right where they want to be. (Not that I ever do that.) And as for the "hangover", it seems to be "in" with most teenagers these days. I felt like I was there with you & Kelly. I'm sure the employee's at American Eagle were having a blast with y'all. Thank you for making me laugh. I love you & your stories.