Thanksgiving – It’s All About Getting Stuffed

As far as quality of life goes, turkeys have it pretty good.  I mean, right up to the part where they get their heads chopped off and are flash-frozen to ship across America.  But think about it, right up ‘til then, their entire JOB is to get fat.  All they do is eat, and eat, and eat, while carefully avoiding any physical activity that might prevent weight gain.

I could get into a job like that.

But, in a classic “win-lose” situation, one of those turkeys always ends up as dinner for me and my family. So, with a nod to the history of our nation, I make an annual pilgrimage of my own.  In my case, it’s to the local supermarket, to gather all the ingredients for our annual Thanksgiving Dinner.

First, I pick out a turkey.  Basically, there’s only one thing I’m looking for in a turkey.  It’s got to be really, really big. Here’s why: if I’m going to spend THAT many hours working on a meal, I don’t want to have to cook again.  For the foreseeable future, this dinner will be in re-runs. This explains why my husband Steve, refers to Thanksgiving Dinner as “The Last Supper.”

Last year, I brought home about a 30 pounder.  I admit, I may have gone a little overboard.  The day I brought it home, I somehow lugged “Big Bird” into the house without getting a hernia.  I was leaning over the kitchen counter, inspecting what resembled a beached whale, when I heard Steve come into the room behind me. He took one look and said, “Wow, that thing is huge!” Then he added, “You’ve got a pretty big turkey there, too.” 

I came very close to flipping him the bird.  And I don’t mean the turkey.

On Thanksgiving morning, I wrestle the turkey from the fridge to the sink. Then it’s time to go exploring: inside every turkey are those mysterious body parts that have been thoughtfully gift-wrapped before being shoved inside.

Once I’ve got the turkey in the oven, everything else needs to be done.  There’s the stuffing, rolls, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and anything else I can think of that contains enough starch to iron a shirt.

Of course, all these ingredients don’t make the meal.  I put everything together in my own kitchen, in my unique way. There's nothing from a box on Thanksgiving - I prepare it all from scratch, and make it with love.

And, tons of butter.

I slather large quantities of butter on, in, and around everything.  That’s because without butter, all this stuff is about as tasteless as Howard Stern.

Finally, everything is done, and we sit down to enjoy a delicious, mouth-watering feast. And it’s the part of Thanksgiving I look forward to all year.  Because that’s when all I’m going to do is eat, and eat, and eat, while carefully avoiding any physical activity that might prevent weight gain.

Comments

[Beverly]

I would love to laugh at the bottled water thing but(just between you and me) I had a tetris fish that Got room temperature bottled water when I changed his bowl and Carol from Twin Lakes baby sat him when I went out of town. Kelly could we be related?

[Beverly]

Kay once again you have made me laugh out loud until tears ran down my cheeks. Your writing is so amazingly vivid i felt like I was there witnessing it all. I could almost smell all that homemade cooking. You rock.